The Unconfirmed Headlines

Since the following news reports from various obscure newspapers have yet to be confirmed, I have collected them on this page - rather than announcing these spectacular scoops on the Headlines page.

If you can confirm (ha ha) any of these stories, or can offer any equally world-shattering news about any ex-member of Talking Heads, the editor of this website would be delighted to hear from you.

TALKING HEADS BACK IN BUSINESS
LONDON - The Talking Heads are back in business again as you can check out in the London neighbourhood Wimbledon. The bad news is though that their new business hasn't got anything to do with music anymore. Instead they just opened a hairdressers. "We tried to get back into music again, but every new piece of music we tried to make made my hair stand on the end", Jerry told me the other day. "That's when David suggested we might as well open a hairdressers to be able to do something about it." [Thanks to special reporter Hille for the photo and scoop]

THE BIG HEAD STRIKES BACK
NEW YORK - After being attacked with a bass by a yet unidentified woman, former Talking Heads singer David Byrne followed a self-defence course at the New York Institute of Muscle Inflating.

Anyone who dares to write negative reviews of his albums, concerts or art exhibitions should be prepared for the new Byrne, who doesn't need his famous big suit anymore, since he cannot even wear anything smaller now.

The only comment of the never very-talkative Byrne when we asked him about his metamorphosis was "Uh-Oh, I'll be Back". You have been warned.

WHO FRAMED JERRY HARRISON ?
PARIS - Scientists and art experts from all over the world came to the Louvre yesterday to examine the yet unexplained change in the famous Mona Lisa painting. A museum spokesman said that the only clue they have so far is the rock musician and record producer Jerry Harrison (of Talking Heads fame) had visited the museum two days previously but has since disappeared.

"There seems to be no relation between Harrison and Lisa at all, but you never know with long-haired rock musicians", said the chief inspector of French police. Mrs. Weymouth, a colleague of Mr. Harrison's, was asked to assist the French team of investigators, since she speaks both French and English - something no Frenchman seems to be able to.

TINA WEYMOUTH : "I'M JUST A SPICE GIRL DOIN' IT FUNKY"
LONDON - After being a bass-playing punk girl in the CBGB era for over 20 years, Tina Weymouth (18) decided she could now rock the world. She smashed her bass on the head of her former colleague David Byrne - best know for being Mr. Big (law) Suit - and moved to London to join one of the hottest bands of the moment, the Spice Girls.

Meanwhile, her husband Chris Frantz stayed in the States preparing for his new job. The photo on the left is the first official promotional photo of the New Spice Girls, including Weymouth (Punk Lolita) Spice.

IF THIS GUY PLAYS DRUMS FOR TALKING HEADS, WHO'S IN CHARGE OF THE REST OF THE WORLD ?
WASHINGTON, DC. - A White House spokesman announced that president Bill Clinton had found himself a new job. Being very musical all of his life, he wanted to turn his hobby into a real job.

After numerous attempts to play the saxophone with Fleetwood Mac, he was hired by the legendary Talking Heads to replace their drummer, who had found a new exciting job in Washington.